ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
