No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
