I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
