Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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