dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
