You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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