Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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