I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
