I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
