After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize
