It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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