Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
