We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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