Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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