my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
