Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
