I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
