that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
