I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
