so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
