He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
