Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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