tonight lets celebrate not being married
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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