He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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