I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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