Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
why do cheetos always look like penises
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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