who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
