Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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