i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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