I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize