fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
