you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
