There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
