I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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