i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
