i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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