you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
