Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
