There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
