Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
