you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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