We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
