i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Acid is not a monday night drug
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
