Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
