i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
