Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
