Apparently you make a good broom.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize