Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Boobs speak an international language.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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