I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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