where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
