honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
