we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
As shirtless as possible
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
