I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I skipped work to stalk him.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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