I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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