I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
