you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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