If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
