He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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