I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
