She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
