Apparently you make a good broom.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
