I am in a vortex of obligation.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
